If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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