I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
