I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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