It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
