why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
