dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
