im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
