I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
