it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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