i think i have herpe
just one?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize