Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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