I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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