the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
