Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
