my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
