You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
