I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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