I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
