if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
