Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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