I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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