So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
