My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
