i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
