i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
