lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
