ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize