**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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