it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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