It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
