Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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