I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
