so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
