i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
