Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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