Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
