I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
