I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
