Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
