Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
