Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
