Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
