the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize