You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
