Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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