Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
