Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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