she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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