How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
