how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
