Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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