Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
