i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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