he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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