He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Alive.
So much puke
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
