"it" just moved
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
