Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
