It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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