I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
