I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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