dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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