In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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