I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
