Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize